The Bare Truth About My Butt Quiz
https://goingbeyondtheillusion.com/life-coach-anchorage/
Forget about the SAT, never mind the FCAT, and remove forever from your mind any thoughts about the ACT. All these test pale in comparison to the examination that I just failed. Failing those test may have minor repercussions like never making it into college and therefore being forced to work at fast food restaurants well into your 30’s. That’s nothing. I just flunked a quiz that could scar me for life.
This morning I was doing my usual morning ritual of checking my email to see if I had any messages from the casting crew to play the top role in the next Aquaman, I didn’t (I never do, damn) but I’ve found it’s a great way to waste an hour or two. What usually happens is I get sidetracked by some banner or pop-up and I end up lost in the middle of cyberspace signing up for a free registration to some weird website just so I can get a free eBook with a title like ‘Online Profits From Artichoke Juice!”. This morning, however, I stumbled across a real winner. I came across a link that I just had to click. I was at JokesUnlimited.com reading redneck jokes when I saw ‘Fun Quizzes: Can you guess which butts are male or female?
From the extreme look of excitement in your eyes I can tell that you feel the same way I felt when I saw the Butt Quiz link. My first thought was: ‘ It’s a quiz so I don’t have to feel dirty about it. It’s educational! I immediately clicked the link and started my quiz.
In hindsight(no pun intended), the expression ‘Fools Rush In’ comes to mind. I blindly rushed into this quiz in a induced urge to look at hindparts and I forgot to think the whole thing through. I forgot to take a moment and reflect. I forgot that there were going to be male hindparts on the quiz too. Hairy male hindparts. In thongs.
Needless to say, I failed the quiz. I got 8 out of 15 right. That’s about 60 percent. An ‘F’ in almost all 50 states. Even New Jersey. I, Lindsay Nelson, humor columnist and straight female could not distinguish between the gluteus maximus of the male and female gender. I started to wonder: Were some of the butts that I said were female really male? If so, does that mean I find some men’s butts attractive? Do I have a male butt fetish that I didn’t know about? Do I secretly enjoy slapping guys on the butt after a good sports play? And what about the woman’s butts that I classified incorrectly? Am I forgetting what the body looks like?
All these questions have been running through my head since I failed my first Butt Quiz. It got to the point where I’m thinking about scheduling a retest. But this time I’ll be sure to get plenty of studying in advance. So ladies, if you see me taking large hard looks at your posterior region, I’m not a pervert, I’m just doing a little research. And to the fellas, forgive me if I give more that the usual amount of congratulatory butt slaps on the basketball court for awhile. I’m just trying to further my education…And maybe work through a fetish or two.
